From God's Perspective

[00:00.14] There's things I don't... wanna be misconstrued in my act that I feel often are.

[00:05.15] I don't want you leaving my show thinking that I think I know better than people, or that I think that I'm better than people in general, um.

[00:12.91] Okay, I just, wanted to put that out there.

[00:14.17] Uh, this is a song from the perspective of God

[00:29.70] The books you think I wrote are way too thick

[00:34.96] Who needs a thousand metaphors to figure out you shouldn't be a dick?

[00:41.22] And I don't watch you when you sleep

[00:45.73] Surprisingly, I don't use my omnipotence to be a fucking creep

[00:52.50] You're not going to heaven

[00:56.76] Why the fuck would you think I'd ever kick it with you?

[01:01.76] None of you are going to heaven

[01:07.02] There's a trillion aliens cooler than you

[01:16.04] You shouldn't abstain from rape just 'cause you think that I want you to

[01:24.56] You shouldn't rape 'cause rape is a fucked up thing to do

[01:29.82] Pretty obvious, just don't fucking rape people, please

[01:34.58] Didn't think I had to write that one down for ya

[01:40.84] I don't think masturbation is obscene

[01:45.85] It's absolutely natural and the weirdest fucking thing I've ever seen

[01:51.61] You make my job a living hell

[01:54.87] I sent gays to fix overpopulation, and boy, did that go well

[02:02.38] You're not going to heaven

[02:06.64] Eat a thousand crackers, sing a million hymns

[02:11.65] None of you are going to heaven

[02:16.66] You're not my children, you're a bad game of Sims

[02:25.68] You shouldn't abstain from pork just 'cause you think that I want you to

[02:34.70] You can eat pork 'cause why the fuck would I give a shit?

[02:41.22] I created the universe, think I'm drawing the line at the fuckin' deli aisle?

[02:50.74] You argue and you bicker and you fight

[02:56.00] Atheists and Catholics, Jews and Hindus argue day and night

[03:02.26] Over what they think is true

[03:06.52] But no one entertains the thought that maybe God does not believe in you

[03:12.53] You pray so badly for heaven

[03:17.05] Knowing any day might be the day that you die

[03:21.55] But maybe life on earth could be heaven

[03:27.07] Doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try?

[03:35.59] My love's the type of thing that you have to earn and when you earn it

[03:42.60] You won't need it

[03:45.11] My love's the type of thing that you have to earn and when you earn it

[03:51.87] You won't need it

[03:55.13] I'm not gonna give you love just 'cause I know that you want me to

[04:03.65] If you want love then the love has gotta come from you

[04:15.72] Thank you very much