Headlights

[00:13.34] Mom

[00:15.09] I know I let you down

[00:18.58] And though you say the days are happy

[00:22.34] Why is the power off, and I'm fucked up?

[00:25.84] And mom, I know he's not around

[00:31.34] But don't you place the blame on me

[00:35.08] As you pour yourself another drink and

[00:39.09] I guess we are who we are

[00:45.59] Headlights shining in the dark night, I drive on

[00:52.33] Maybe we took this too far

[00:58.09] I went in headfirst

[00:59.59] Never thinking about who what I said hurt, in what verse

[01:02.61] My mom probably got it the worst

[01:04.35] The brunt of it, but as stubborn as we are

[01:06.58] Did I take it too far?

[01:07.85] Cleaning out my closet and all them other songs

[01:10.09] But regardless I don't hate you 'cause ma!

[01:12.10] You're still beautiful to me, cause you're my mom

[01:15.08] Though far be it for you to be calling, my house was Vietnam

[01:17.59] Desert Storm and both of us put together

[01:19.84] Can form an atomic bomb equivalent to chemical warfare

[01:22.59] And forever we can drag this on and on

[01:25.08] But, agree to disagree

[01:27.09] That gift from me up under the Christmas tree don't mean shit to me

[01:29.83] You're kicking me out? It's fifteen degrees and it's Christmas Eve (little prick just leave)

[01:33.08] Ma, let me grab my fucking coat, anything to have each other's goats

[01:34.59] Why we always at each others throats? Especially when dad, he fucked us both

[01:39.84] We're in the same fucking boat, you'd think that it'd make us close (nope)

[01:43.59] Further away that drove us, but together headlights shine, a car full of belongings

[01:47.59] Still got a ways to go, back to grandma's house it's straight up the road

[01:50.87] And I was the man of the house, the oldest, so my shoulders carried the weight of the load

[01:55.11] Then Nate got taken away by the state at eight years old, and

[01:57.86] That's when I realized you were sick and it wasn't fixable or changeable

[02:01.59] And to this day we remained estranged and I hate it though, but

[02:04.62] I guess we are who we are

[02:09.34] Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on

[02:17.34] Maybe we took this too far

[02:23.33] 'Cause to this day we remain estranged and I hate it though

[02:27.59] 'Cause you ain't even get to witness your grand baby's growth

[02:30.59] But I'm sorry mama for 'Cleaning Out My Closet', at the time I was angry

[02:33.88] Rightfully maybe so, never meant that far to take it though, 'cause

[02:37.60] Now I know it's not your fault, and I'm not making jokes

[02:40.35] That song I no longer play at shows and I cringe every time it's on the radio

[02:44.84] And I think of Nathan being placed in a home

[02:46.59] And all the medicine you fed us

[02:48.59] And how I just wanted you to taste your own, but

[02:50.34] Now the medications taken over and your mental states deteriorating slow

[02:54.58] And I'm way too old to cry, that shit's painful though

[02:57.34] But ma, I forgive you, so does Nathan yo

[03:00.08] All you did, all you said, you did your best to raise us both

[03:02.84] Foster care, that cross you bare, few may be as heavy as yours

[03:06.59] But I love you Debbie Mathers, oh what a tangled web we have, 'cause

[03:08.83] One thing I never asked was where the fuck my deadbeat dad was

[03:13.59] Fuck it I guess he had trouble keeping up with every address

[03:16.34] But I'd have flipped every mattress, every rock and desert cactus

[03:19.86] Own a collection of maps and followed my kids to the edge of the atlas

[03:23.09] Someone ever moved them from me? That you could bet your ass's

[03:26.34] If I had to come down the chimney dressed as Santa, kidnap them

[03:29.35] And although one has met their grandma

[03:33.09] Once you pulled up in our drive one night as we were leaving to get some hamburgers

[03:36.08] Me, her and Nate, we introduced you, hugged you

[03:38.84] And as you left I had this overwhelming sadness come over me

[03:41.83] As we pulled off to go our separate paths, and

[03:45.34] I saw your headlights as I looked back

[03:47.34] And I'm mad I didn't get the chance to thank you for being my Mom and my Dad

[03:51.09] So Mom, please accept this as a tribute I wrote this on the jet

[03:54.59] I guess I had to get this off my chest, I hope I get the chance to lay it before I'm dead

[03:59.09] The stewardess said to fasten my seat belt, I guess we're crashing

[04:02.61] So if I'm not dreaming, I hope you get this message that I'll always love you from afar

[04:08.33] 'Cause you're my mama

[04:09.85] I guess we are who we are

[04:15.09] Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on

[04:21.84] Maybe we took this too far

[04:26.84] I want a new life

[04:30.08] One without a cause

[04:32.59] So I'm coming home tonight

[04:36.09] Well no matter what the cost

[04:38.88] And if the plane goes down

[04:42.10] Or if the crew can't wake me up

[04:45.34] Just know that I was alright

[04:49.11] And I was not afraid to die

[04:52.84] Oh even if there's songs to sing

[04:55.85] My children will carry me

[04:58.84] Just know that I'm alright

[05:02.34] I was not afraid to die

[05:05.59] Because I put my faith in my new girl

[05:09.09] So I never say goodbye cruel world

[05:12.34] Just know that I'm alright

[05:15.34] I am not afraid to die

[05:20.84] I guess we are who we are

[05:27.09] Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on

[05:34.10] Maybe we took this too far,

[05:38.58] I want a new life