How to be charming

[00:00.67] Life isn’t fair. Some people just seem blessed with the ability to effortlessly charm anyone they meet.

[00:08.10] You know the kind of person, the one who can strike up a conversation with a complete stranger and end up with a new friend or business lead. How do they do it?

[00:16.87] Well, it might seem like a magical power, but in fact there are a number of factors at work.

[00:22.71] So, can you learn to develop superhuman charm?

[00:26.43] The answer is: to a large extent, yes you can.

[00:29.62] But first, the bad news. Scientists have found that people initially judge each other based purely on physical appearance.

[00:38.92] With just a fleeting glimpse of a face, people make snap judgements about each other’s likeability, trustworthiness and confidence, according to Alexander Todorov, professor of psychology at Princeton University.

[00:49.28] How to counteract this? There’s one incredibly simple tool: your smile.

[00:58.04] Todorov told the BBC that people perceive a smiling face as “more trustworthy, warmer and sociable”.

[01:01.23] It sounds like common sense, doesn’t it?

[01:03.35] Smile and others will smile with you.

[01:06.01] What other tricks might we have up our sleeves?

[01:08.93] Former FBI agent Jack Schafer has been trained in how to influence people.

[01:13.98] He told BBC Capital: “Our brains are always surveying the environment for friend or foe signals.”

[01:20.62] Three things we can do to signal that we are not a threat are to: raise our eyebrows quickly, tilt our heads slightly, and, once again, to smile.

[01:29.92] So we’ve looked at body language, but of course what you say is hugely important too, unless you want to just stand there grinning foolishly.

[01:37.62] Here Schafer recommends that “the golden rule of friendship is if you make people feel good about themselves, they’re going to like you.”

[01:44.79] In other words, you need to show interest in them, instead of talking about yourself and all your wonderful achievements.

[01:51.17] And while you’re chatting, remember this: another way of showing interest is to mirror their physical position.

[01:57.54] Another way to form a connection? Find common ground.

[02:00.73] Suzanne de Janasz, a professor of management with Seattle University, says that charming people are particularly adept at seeking out shared interests or experiences to help them build rapport.

[02:13.74] Simple things like asking where someone’s from really can open up a discussion and allow you to find areas in common.

[02:20.38] And if all else fails, you can fall back on that most British of topics: the weather. Glorious day, isn’t it?