Rosetta Stoned
[00:09.82] Alrighty, then...
[00:14.14] Picture this if you will.
[00:18.07] 10 to 2 AM, X, Yogi DMT, and a box of Krispy Kremes,
[00:21.07] In my "need to know" pose, just outside of Area 51
[00:23.37] Contemplating the whole "chosen people" thingy
[00:25.18] When a flaming stealth banana split the sky
[00:27.37] Like one would hope but never really expect
[00:28.75] To see in a place like this.
[00:29.81] Cutting right angle donuts on a dime
[00:31.20] And stopping right at my Birkenstocks,
[00:32.70] And me yelping...
[00:33.32] Holy fucking shit! Holy fucking shit!
[00:36.64] Holy fucking shit! Holy fucking shit!
[00:38.89] Holy fucking shit! Holy fucking shit!
[00:45.82] Then the X-Files being,
[00:47.39] Looking like some kind of blue-green Jackie Chan
[00:49.26] With Isabella Rossellini lips,
[00:50.82] And breath that reeked of vanilla Chig Champa
[00:52.70] Did a slow-mo Matrix descent
[00:53.89] Outta the butt end of the banana vessel
[00:54.95] And hovered above my bug-eyes, my gaping jaw,
[00:57.79] And my sweaty L. Ron Hubbard upper lip,
[00:59.54] And all I could think was:
[01:00.48] I hope Uncle Martin here doesn't notice
[01:01.60] That I pissed my fuckin' pants.
[01:21.42] So light in his way,
[01:25.29] Like an apparition,
[01:27.48] He had me crying out,
[01:30.04] Fuck me!
[01:31.48] It's gotta be
[01:32.85] The Deadhead chemistry
[01:35.48] The blotter got right on top of me
[01:37.92] Got me seein' E-motherfuckin'-T!
[01:51.98] And after calming me down
[01:53.48] With some orange slices and some fetal spooning,
[01:55.60] E.T. revealed to me his singular purpose.
[01:57.92] He said, "You are the Chosen One,
[02:00.48] The One who will deliver the message.
[02:02.35] A message of hope for those who choose to hear it
[02:04.67] And a warning for those who do not."
[02:06.85] Me. The Chosen One
[02:08.85] They chose me
[02:10.60] And I didn't even graduate from fuckin' high school!
[02:33.67] You'd better...
[02:35.98] You'd better...
[02:38.29] You'd better...
[02:40.60] You'd better listen.
[03:24.06] Then he looked right through me
[03:27.17] With somniferous almond eyes
[03:30.23] Don't even know what that means
[03:33.54] Must remember to write it down
[03:36.73] This is so real
[03:39.60] Like the time Dave floated away
[03:42.67] See, my heart is pounding
[03:45.79] 'Cause this shit never happens to me
[03:57.73] I can't breathe right now!
[04:01.04] It was so real,
[04:04.10] Like I woke up in Wonderland.
[04:06.92] Also a bit terrifying
[04:10.23] I don't wanna be all alone
[04:13.42] While I tell this story.
[04:16.42] And can anyone tell me why
[04:19.29] all of a sudden the peanuts dance?
[04:22.60] Will I ever be coming down?
[04:25.73] This is so real
[04:28.85] Finally, it's my lucky day
[04:31.98] See, my heart is racing
[04:34.79] 'Cause this shit never happens to me
[04:46.42] I can't breathe right now!
[04:53.10] You believe me, don't you?
[04:56.17] Please believe what I've just said!
[04:59.23] See they're telling true and
[05:01.98] this wasn't all in my head.
[05:05.35] See, they took me by the hand
[05:08.23] And invited me right in.
[05:11.35] Then they showed me something
[05:14.42] I don't even know where to begin.
[05:46.92] Strapped down on my bed
[05:49.73] Feet cold and eyes red
[05:52.42] I'm out of my head
[05:55.00] Am I alive? Am I dead?
[05:57.67] Can't remember what they said
[06:00.18] God damn, shit the bed!
[06:27.73] High eye...
[08:38.54] Overwhelmed as one would be
[08:41.79] Placed in my position.
[08:44.60] Such a heavy burden now to be the One.
[08:51.04] Born to bear and bring to all the details of our ending,
[08:57.10] To write it down for all the world to see.
[09:03.23] But I forgot my pen.
[09:10.04] Shit the bed again.
[09:14.92] Typical.
[09:16.54] Strapped down on my bed
[09:19.17] Feet cold and eyes red
[09:21.85] I'm out of my head
[09:24.42] Am I alive? Am I dead?
[09:26.98] Sunkist and Sudafed
[09:29.60] Gyroscopes and infrared
[09:32.23] Won't help, I'm brain dead
[09:34.73] Can't remember what they said
[09:37.23] God damn, shit the bed!
[09:40.48] Naaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh...
[09:45.17] I can't remember what they said to me
[09:51.42] Can't remember what they said to make me out to be
[09:58.21] The hero
[10:03.28] Can't remember what they said
[10:10.96] Bob help me!
[10:15.34] Can't remember what they said
[10:40.65] Don't know, won't know
[10:42.78] Don't know, won't know
[10:45.03] Don't know, won't know
[10:47.21] Don't know, won't know
[10:49.54] Don't know, won't know
[10:51.84] Don't know, won't know
[10:53.96] Don't know, won't know
[10:56.34] Don't know, won't know
[10:58.59] Don't know, won't know
[11:00.84] Don't know, won't know
[11:03.15] Don't know, won't know
[11:05.59] Don't know, won't know
[11:07.96] God damn, shit the bed!
