The kids

[00:00.02] And everyone should get along

[00:04.34] Okay children, quiet down, quiet down

[00:07.53] Children, I'd like to introduce our new substitute teacher for the day

[00:11.29] His name is Mr. Shady

[00:14.21] Chidren, quiet down please

[00:16.06] Brian, don't throw that (shut up)

[00:18.19] Mr. Shady will be your new substitute while

[00:20.05] Mr. Kaniff is out with Pneumonia (he's got AIDS)

[00:22.45] Good luck Mr. Shady

[00:23.79] Hi there, little boys and girls (fuck you)

[00:25.64] Today we're going to learn how to poison squirrels

[00:28.03] But first I'd like you to meet my friend Bob (huh?)

[00:30.42] Say hi, Bob (Hi Bob)

[00:31.75] Bob's thirty and still lives with his mom

[00:33.61] He don't got a job cause Bob sits at home and smokes pot

[00:36.27] But his twelve year old brother looks up to him an awful lot

[00:38.92] And Bob likes to hang out at the local waffle spot

[00:41.31] And wait in the parking lot for waitresses off the clock

[00:44.24] When it's late and the lot gets dark and fake like he walks his dog

[00:46.90] Drag 'em in the woods and go straight to the chopping block (Ah)

[00:49.82] And even if they escaped and they got the cops

[00:51.94] The ladies would all be so afraid they would drop the charge

[00:54.87] Til one night Mrs. Stacey went off the job

[00:57.26] When she felt someone grab hold her whole face and said not to talk

[01:00.48] But Stacey knew it was Bob and said "Knock it off"

[01:02.60] But Bob wouldn't knock it off, cause he's crazy and off his rocker

[01:05.53] Crazier than Slim Shady is off the vodka

[01:07.92] You couldn't even take him to Dre's to get Bob a doctor

[01:11.10] He grabbed Stace' by the legs as he chopped it off her

[01:13.76] And dropped her off in the lake for the cops to find her

[01:16.42] But ever since the day Stacey went off to wander

[01:18.28] They never found her, and Bob still hangs at the waffle diner

[01:21.20] And that's the story of Bob and his marijuana

[01:23.32] And what it might do to you

[01:24.91] So see if the squirrels want any, it's bad for you

[01:26.77] See, children, drugs are bad (come on)

[01:29.43] And if you don't believe me, ask your dad (raise your hand)

[01:32.08] And if you don't believe him, ask your mom (that's right)

[01:34.47] She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (she will)

[01:37.39] So kids say no to drugs (that's right)

[01:40.05] So you don't act like everyone else does (uh huh)

[01:42.42] Then there's really nothin' else to say (sing along)

[01:45.35] Drugs are just bad, m'kay?

[01:47.47] My penis is the size of a peanut, have you seen it?

[01:49.89] Fuck no you aint seen it, it's the size of a peanut (Huh?)

[01:52.87] Speakin' of peanuts, you know what else is bad for squirrels?

[01:55.80] Ectasy, it's the worst drug in the world

[01:57.92] If someone ever offers it to you, don't do it

[02:00.31] Kids, two hits'll probably drain all your spinal fluid

[02:02.99] And spinal fluid is final, you won't get it back

[02:05.38] So don't get attatched, it'll attack every bone in your back

[02:08.30] Meet Zach, twenty one years old

[02:10.43] After hanging out with some friends at a frat party, he gets bold

[02:13.61] And decides to try five when he's bribed by five guys

[02:16.28] And peer pressure will win every time you try to fight it

[02:18.98] Suddenly, he starts to convulse

[02:20.86] And his pulse goes into hyperdrive

[02:22.44] And his eyes roll back in his skull (blblblblblb)

[02:24.31] His back starts to, look like the McDonalds arches

[02:26.97] He's on Donald's carpet, layin' horizontal barfin' (Bleh)

[02:29.36] And everyone in the apartment starts laughin' at him

[02:32.03] "Hey Adam, Zach is a jackass, look at him!"

[02:34.69] Cause they took it too, so they think it's funny

[02:36.55] So they're laughing at basically nothing

[02:38.41] Except maybe wasting their money

[02:40.00] Meanwhile, Zach's in a coma, the action is over

[02:42.39] And his back and his shoulders hunched up like he's practicing yoga

[02:45.31] And that's the story of Zach "The Ecstasy maniac"

[02:47.97] So, don't even feed that to squirrels, class, cause it's bad for you

[02:51.19] See, children, drugs are bad (that's right)

[02:53.58] And if you don't believe me, ask your dad (that's right)

[02:55.97] And if you don't believe him, ask your mom (you can)

[02:58.64] She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (she will)

[03:01.56] So kids say no to drugs (smoke crack)

[03:03.95] So you don't act like everyone else does (that's right)

[03:06.89] And there's really nothing else to say (But umm...)

[03:09.28] Drugs are just bad, m'kay?

[03:11.71] And last but not least

[03:12.74] One of the most humongous

[03:14.33] Problems among young people today is fungus

[03:16.73] It grows from cow manure

[03:18.05] They pick it out, wipe if off, bag it up

[03:19.90] And you put it right in your mouth and chew it

[03:22.04] Yum, yum

[03:22.83] And then you start to see some dumb stuff

[03:24.69] And everything slows down when you eat some of 'em

[03:27.34] And sometimes you see things that aren't there (like what?)

[03:30.00] Like fat women in G-strings with orange hair

[03:32.40] (Mr. Shady, what's a g-string?) It's yarn, Claire

[03:35.04] Women stick them up their behinds go out and wear 'em (Hu?)

[03:37.71] And if you swallow too much of the magic mushrooms

[03:40.36] Whoops, did I say magic mushrooms? I meant fungus

[03:43.05] Your tongue gets all swoll up like a cow's tongue

[03:45.73] (How come?) Cause it comes from a cow's dump (Gross!)

[03:48.64] See, drugs are bad, it's a common fact

[03:50.48] But your mom and dad know that's all that I'm good at (Oh!)

[03:53.17] But don't be me, cause if you grow up and go and OD

[03:56.36] They're gonna come for me, and I'm gonna have to grow a goatee

[03:59.01] And get a disguise and hide, cause it'll be my fault

[04:01.40] So don't drugs and do exactly as I don't, cause I'm bad for you

[04:04.86] See, children, drugs are bad (uh huh)

[04:06.98] And if you don't believe me, ask your dad (put that down)

[04:09.68] And if you don't believe him, ask your mom (you can ask)

[04:12.34] She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (and she will)

[04:15.25] So kids say no to drugs (say no)

[04:17.64] So you don't act like everyone else does (like I do)

[04:20.30] And there's really nothing else to say (that's right)

[04:23.23] Drugs are just bad, m'kay?

[04:25.87] Come on children, clap along (Shut up!)

[04:28.01] Sing along, children, (Suck my motherfuckin dick!) come on, clap along

[04:32.32] Drugs are just bad, drugs are just bad (South Park is gonna sue me!)

[04:36.82] So don't do drugs (Suck my motherfuckin' ass!)

[04:38.94] So there'll be more for me (Hippie! God damnit!)

[04:43.20] (Mushrooms killed Kenny!...Ewww, ahhh!)

[04:50.69] (So, fucked up, right now)