Headlights

[00:11.31] Mom

[00:14.80] I know I let you down

[00:18.30] And though you say the days are happy

[00:21.81] Why is the power off, and I'm fucked up?

[00:25.30] And mom, I know he's not around

[00:31.55] But don't you place the blame on me

[00:35.06] As you pour yourself another drink and

[00:39.55] I guess we are who we are

[00:45.58] Headlights shining in the dark night, I drive on

[00:52.29] Maybe we took this too far

[00:57.80] I went in headfirst

[00:59.55] Never thinking about who what I said hurt, in what verse

[01:02.57] My mom probably got it the worst

[01:04.57] The brunt of it, but as stubborn as we are

[01:06.80] Did I take it too far?

[01:08.04] Cleaning out my closet and all them other songs

[01:10.09] But regardless I don't hate you 'cause ma!

[01:11.81] You're still beautiful to me, cause you're my mom

[01:14.83] Though far be it for you to be calling, my house was Vietnam

[01:17.80] Desert Storm and both of us put together

[01:20.83] Can form an atomic bomb equivalent to chemical warfare

[01:21.80] And forever we can drag this on and on

[01:24.83] But, agree to disagree

[01:26.80] That gift from me up under the Christmas tree don't mean shit to me

[01:29.79] You're kicking me out? It's fifteen degrees and it's Christmas Eve (little prick just leave)

[01:32.34] Ma, let me grab my fucking coat, anything to have each other's goats

[01:36.31] Why we always at each others throats? Especially when dad, he fucked us both

[01:39.55] We're in the same fucking boat, you'd think that it'd make us close (nope)

[01:43.06] Further away that drove us, but together headlights shine, a car full of belongings

[01:47.55] Still got a ways to go, back to grandma's house it's straight up the road

[01:50.57] And I was the man of the house, the oldest, so my shoulders carried the weight of the load

[01:54.30] Then Nate got taken away by the state at eight years old, and

[01:58.04] That's when I realized you were sick and it wasn't fixable or changeable

[02:01.57] And to this day we remained estranged and I hate it though, but

[02:04.57] I guess we are who we are

[02:10.57] Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on

[02:17.79] Maybe we took this too far

[02:23.30] 'Cause to this day we remain estranged and I hate it though

[02:27.04] 'Cause you ain't even get to witness your grand baby's growth

[02:30.55] But I'm sorry mama for 'Cleaning Out My Closet', at the time I was angry

[02:34.04] Rightfully maybe so, never meant that far to take it though, 'cause

[02:37.31] Now I know it's not your fault, and I'm not making jokes

[02:40.35] That song I no longer play at shows and I cringe every time it's on the radio

[02:44.31] And I think of Nathan being placed in a home

[02:47.54] And all the medicine you fed us

[02:49.56] And how I just wanted you to taste your own, but

[02:50.56] Now the medications taken over and your mental states deteriorating slow

[02:50.80] And I'm way too old to cry, that shit's painful though

[02:56.07] But ma, I forgive you, so does Nathan yo

[02:59.59] All you did, all you said, you did your best to raise us both

[03:03.06] Foster care, that cross you bare, few may be as heavy as yours

[03:04.83] But I love you Debbie Mathers, oh what a tangled web we have, 'cause

[03:10.05] One thing I never asked was where the fuck my deadbeat dad was

[03:13.55] Fuck it I guess he had trouble keeping up with every address

[03:16.56] But I'd have flipped every mattress, every rock and desert cactus

[03:19.80] Own a collection of maps and followed my kids to the edge of the atlas

[03:23.06] Someone ever moved them from me? That you could bet your ass's

[03:26.30] If I had to come down the chimney dressed as Santa, kidnap them

[03:30.07] And although one has met their grandma

[03:32.30] Once you pulled up in our drive one night as we were leaving to get some hamburgers

[03:36.05] Me, her and Nate, we introduced you, hugged you

[03:38.56] And as you left I had this overwhelming sadness come over me

[03:42.06] As we pulled off to go our separate paths, and

[03:45.59] I saw your headlights as I looked back

[03:48.32] And I'm mad I didn't get the chance to thank you for being my Mom and my Dad

[03:51.30] So Mom, please accept this as a tribute I wrote this on the jet

[03:54.30] I guess I had to get this off my chest, I hope I get the chance to lay it before I'm dead

[04:00.29] The stewardess said to fasten my seat belt, I guess we're crashing

[04:05.81] So if I'm not dreaming, I hope you get this message that I'll always love you from afar

[04:08.08] 'Cause you're my mama

[04:09.30] I guess we are who we are

[04:15.09] Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on

[04:22.29] Maybe we took this too far

[04:26.84] I want a new life

[04:29.80] One without a cause

[04:33.05] So I'm coming home tonight

[04:35.81] Well no matter what the cost

[04:39.35] And if the plane goes down

[04:42.34] Or if the crew can't wake me up

[04:45.79] Just know that I was alright

[04:49.55] And I was not afraid to die

[04:52.55] Oh even if there's songs to sing

[04:55.56] My children will carry me

[04:59.06] Just know that I'm alright

[05:02.08] I was not afraid to die

[05:05.32] Because I put my faith in my new girl

[05:08.84] So I never say goodbye cruel world

[05:12.55] Just know that I'm alright

[05:15.54] I am not afraid to die

[05:21.07] I guess we are who we are

[05:27.10] Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on

[05:34.29] Maybe we took this too far, I want a new life