The Real Slim Shady
[00:04.31] May I have your attention, please?
[00:06.71] May I have your attention, please?
[00:09.46] Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
[00:13.20] I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
[00:18.21] We're gonna have a problem here
[00:19.21] Y'all act like you never seen a white person before
[00:21.46] Jaws all on the floor like Pam like Tommy just burst in the door
[00:24.21] And started whoopin' her ass worse than before
[00:26.21] They first were divorced, throwin' her over furniture (Agh!)
[00:28.46] It's the return of the "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding
[00:30.95] He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"
[00:33.46] And Dr. Dre said… nothing, you idiots!
[00:35.96] Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement (ha ha!)
[00:38.21] Feminist women love Eminem
[00:39.46] "Chicka, chicka, chicka, Slim Shady, I'm sick of him
[00:41.96] Look at him, walkin' around, grabbin' his you-know-what
[00:44.46] Flippin' the you-know-who," "Yeah, but he's so cute though."
[00:46.96] Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
[00:49.46] But no worse than what's goin' on in your parents' bedrooms
[00:51.71] Sometimes I wanna get on TV and just let loose
[00:53.95] But can't, but it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose
[00:56.46] "My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips"
[00:58.46] And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss
[01:00.71] And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
[01:02.96] And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is
[01:05.46] Of course they're gonna know what intercourse is
[01:07.21] By the time they hit fourth grade
[01:08.21] They've got the Discovery Channel, don't they?
[01:10.46] We ain't nothin' but mammals—well, some of us, cannibals
[01:12.96] Who cut other people open like cantaloupes
[01:15.10] But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
[01:17.09] Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope
[01:19.60] But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
[01:21.60] Women, wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus, and it goes—
[01:24.09] I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
[01:25.99] All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
[01:28.24] So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
[01:30.75] Please stand up, please stand up?
[01:32.99] 'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
[01:35.24] All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
[01:37.25] So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
[01:39.99] Please stand up, please stand up?
[01:42.00] Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records
[01:44.25] Well, I do, so fuck him and fuck you too!
[01:46.99] You think I give a damn about a Grammy?
[01:48.49] Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me
[01:51.24] "But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"
[01:53.50] Why, so you guys could just lie to get me here?
[01:55.75] So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears?
[01:58.00] Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs
[02:00.25] So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst
[02:02.75] And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first
[02:04.74] Little bitch put me on blast on MTV
[02:07.00] "Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee."
[02:09.49] I should download her audio on MP3
[02:11.74] And show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD
[02:14.63] I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups
[02:16.27] All you do is annoy me, so I have been sent here to destroy you
[02:19.27] And there's a million of us just like me
[02:21.02] Who cuss like me, who just don't give a fuck like me
[02:23.27] Who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me
[02:25.52] And just might be the next best thing, but not quite me
[02:28.28] 'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
[02:30.28] All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
[02:32.27] So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
[02:35.02] Please stand up, please stand up?
[02:37.28] 'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
[02:39.27] All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
[02:41.52] So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
[02:44.28] Please stand up, please stand up?
[02:46.17] I'm like a head trip to listen to, ‘cause I'm only givin' you
[02:48.80] Things you joke about with your friends inside your livin' room
[02:51.31] The only difference is I got the balls to say it in front of y'all
[02:53.81] And I don't gotta be false or sugarcoat it at all
[02:56.30] I just get on the mic and spit it
[02:57.80] And whether you like to admit it, I just shit it
[03:00.05] Better than 90% of you rappers out can
[03:02.06] Then you wonder: "How can
[03:03.20] Kids eat up these albums like Valiums?"
[03:04.95] It's funny, ‘cause at the rate I'm going, when I'm 30
[03:07.21] I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting
[03:09.45] Pinching nurse's asses when I'm jacking off with Jergens
[03:11.70] And I'm jerking, but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working
[03:13.95] And every single person is a Slim Shady lurking
[03:16.36] He could be working at Burger King, spittin' on your onion rings
[03:18.85] Or in the parking lot, circling, screaming, "I don't give a fuck!"
[03:21.60] With his windows down and his system up
[03:23.35] So will the real Shady please stand up
[03:25.24] And put one of those fingers on each hand up?
[03:27.65] And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control
[03:30.15] And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?
[03:32.64] I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
[03:34.40] All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
[03:36.65] So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
[03:39.40] Please stand up, please stand up?
[03:41.40] 'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
[03:43.65] All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
[03:45.90] So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
[03:48.64] Please stand up, please stand up?
[03:50.65] 'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
[03:52.90] All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
[03:55.14] So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
[03:57.65] Please stand up, please stand up?
[03:59.89] 'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
[04:02.15] All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
[04:04.40] So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
[04:06.89] Please stand up, please stand up?
[04:10.05] Ha ha, I guess there’s a Slim Shady in all of us
[04:14.81] Fuck it, let’s all stand up!
