export_ofoct.com (3)

[00:00.44] Or laughter, where an unignorable noise can expose the common assumptions among everyone who gets the joke.

[00:09.21] Conversely, when we worry about upending a relationship, we might go to great lengths to repress common knowledge.

[00:22.29] We might avoid looking someone in the eye, or pretend to ignore the elephant in the room or mumble with great incoherence.

[00:26.53] This is why, in everyday conversation, we often don't blurt out what we mean in so many words, but veil our intentions in innuendo and euphemism, counting on our listeners to catch our drift.

[00:40.88] A classic example is the sexual come on "Would you like to come up and see my etchings," which by the 1930s was so familiar that James Thurber could draw a cartoon in which the hapless man says to his date, "You wait here and I'll bring the etchings down."

[00:56.55] A century later, etchings has become “Netflix and chill.”

[01:02.66] We also veil our bribes, as in, "Gee, officer, is there some way we might settle the ticket here?"

[01:09.83] And our threats, as in, "I'm so delighted to learn that you're on the jury of the Soprano trial.

[01:17.54] It's an important civic duty that we should all take part in.

[01:21.25] You've got a wife and kids, we know you'll do the right thing."

[01:25.51] The point of innuendo is not plausible deniability because these euphemisms don't pass the giggle test, but rather deniability of common knowledge.

[01:38.25] If Harry says to Sally, "Want to come up for Netflix and chill," and Sally turns him down, well, Sally knows she's turned down a sexual overture, and Harry knows that Sally has turned down a sexual overture.

[01:49.67] But does Sally know that Harry knows?

[01:52.07] She could think, "Maybe he thinks I'm naive."

[01:54.72] And does Harry know that Sally knows that Harry knows?

[01:57.64] He could think, "Maybe she thinks I'm dense."

[01:59.50] Without the common knowledge, they can maintain the fiction of a platonic relationship.

[02:04.82] But if Harry were to have said, “Want to come up and have sex,” and Sally said no, well, now Harry knows that Sally knows that Harry knows that Sally knows.

[02:12.80] With this common knowledge, they can no longer maintain the fiction of a platonic friendship.

[02:17.58] And that's what lies behind the intuition that with bare-faced speech, you can't take it back.

[02:23.16] It's out there.