Headlights

[00:11.93] Mom, I know I let you down

[00:18.42] And though you say the days are happy

[00:21.67] Why is the power off, and I'm fucked up?

[00:25.42] And, Mom, I know he's not around

[00:31.67] But don't you place the blame on me

[00:34.67] As you pour yourself another drink, yeah.

[00:39.42] I guess we are who we are

[00:45.42] Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on

[00:52.18] Maybe we took this too far

[00:57.67] I went in headfirst

[00:59.42] Never thinking about who what I said hurt,

[01:01.67] in what verse

[01:02.68] My mom probably got it the worst

[01:04.42] The brunt of it, but as stubborn as we are

[01:06.67] Did I take it too far?

[01:07.68] "Cleaning Out My Closet" and all them other songs

[01:09.67] But regardless I don't hate you 'cause, Mom,

[01:11.92] You're still beautiful to me, 'cause you're my mom

[01:14.67] Though far be it from you to be calm, our house was Vietnam

[01:17.67] Desert Storm

[01:18.67] and both of us put together can form an atomic bomb

[01:20.93] equivalent to Chemical warfare

[01:22.68] And forever we can drag this on and on

[01:24.67] But, agree to disagree

[01:26.67] That gift from me

[01:27.67] up under the Christmas tree don't mean shit to me

[01:29.67] You're kicking me out?

[01:30.42] It's 15 degrees and it's Christmas Eve (little prick just leave)

[01:32.92] Mom, let me grab my fucking coat,

[01:34.42] anything to have each other's goats

[01:35.93] Why we always at each other's throats?

[01:37.68] Especially when dad, he fucked us both

[01:39.92] We're in the same fucking boat,

[01:41.42] you'd think that it'd make us close (nope)

[01:43.17] Further away it drove us,

[01:44.42] but together headlights shine,

[01:45.68] a car full of belongings

[01:47.18] Still got a ways to go,

[01:48.67] back to grandma's house, it's straight up the road

[01:50.43] And I was the man of the house,

[01:51.67] the oldest, so my shoulders carried the weight of the load

[01:54.42] Then Nate got taken away by the state at eight years old,

[01:57.43] And that's when I realized you were sick

[01:59.43] and it wasn't fixable or changeable

[02:01.42] And to this day we remained estranged and I hate it though, but

[02:04.17] I guess we are who we are

[02:10.67] Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on

[02:17.17] Maybe we took this too far

[02:22.92] 'Cause to this day we remain estranged and I hate it though

[02:26.92] 'Cause you ain't even get to witness your grand babies grow

[02:30.42] But I'm sorry, Mama, for "Cleaning Out My Closet", at the time

[02:33.17] I was angry

[02:33.92] Rightfully maybe so, never meant that far to take it though,

[02:36.67] 'cause now I know it's not your fault,

[02:38.92] and I'm not making jokes

[02:40.17] That song I no longer play at shows

[02:41.92] and I cringe every time it's on the radio

[02:44.67] And I think of Nathan being placed in a home

[02:46.42] And all the medicine you fed us

[02:48.17] And how I just wanted you to taste your own,

[02:49.93] But now the medications taken over

[02:52.42] And your mental state's deteriorating slow

[02:54.68] And I'm way too old to cry, the shit is painful though

[02:56.92] But, Mom, I forgive you,

[02:58.67] so does Nathan, yo

[02:59.67] All you did, all you said, you did your best to raise us both

[03:02.92] Foster care, that cross you bear,

[03:04.67] few may be as heavy as yours

[03:06.43] But I love you, Debbie Mathers, oh, what a tangled web we have,

[03:09.42] 'cause one thing I never asked was

[03:11.42] Where the fuck my deadbeat dad was

[03:13.17] Fuck it, I guess he had trouble keeping up with every address

[03:15.93] But I'd have flipped every mattress, every rock and desert cactus

[03:19.42] Own a collection of maps

[03:20.93] and followed my kids to the edge of the atlas

[03:22.92] Someone ever moved them from me?

[03:24.42] That you coulda bet your asses

[03:25.92] If I had to come down the chimney dressed as Santa,

[03:28.43] kidnap them

[03:29.43] And although one has only met their grandma once

[03:32.18] You pulled up in our drive one night

[03:33.92] as we were leaving to get some hamburgers

[03:35.93] Me, her and Nate, we introduced you, hugged you

[03:38.68] And as you left I had this overwhelming sadness

[03:41.67] come over me as we pulled off to go our separate paths,

[03:44.67] And I saw your headlights as I looked back

[03:46.92] And I'm mad I didn't get the chance to

[03:49.17] thank you for being my Mom and my Dad

[03:51.17] So, Mom, please accept this as a tribute

[03:53.42] I wrote this on the jet

[03:54.42] I guess I had to get this off my chest,

[03:56.42] I hope I get the chance to lay it before I'm dead

[03:59.17] The stewardess said to fasten my seatbelt,

[04:00.92] I guess we're crashing

[04:02.92] So if I'm not dreaming,

[04:04.42] I hope you get this message that I'll always love you from afar

[04:08.18] 'Cause you're my Mom

[04:08.92] I guess we are who we are

[04:15.17] Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on

[04:21.67] Maybe we took this too far

[04:26.42] I want a new life (start over)

[04:29.67] One without a cause (clean slate)

[04:32.67] So I'm coming home tonight (yeah)

[04:35.67] Well, no matter what the cost

[04:39.18] And if the plane goes down

[04:42.17] Or if the crew can't wake me up

[04:45.42] Well, just know that I'm alright

[04:48.92] I was not afraid to die

[04:51.93] Oh, even if there's songs to sing

[04:55.42] Well, my children will carry me

[04:58.67] Just know that I'm alright

[05:01.92] I was not afraid to die

[05:05.17] Because I put my faith in my little girls

[05:08.92] So I never say, "Goodbye, cruel world."

[05:11.92] Just know that I'm alright

[05:14.93] I am not afraid to die

[05:20.67] I guess we are who we are

[05:27.17] Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on

[05:33.67] Maybe we took this too far

[05:38.68] I want a new life