Criminal
[00:02.64] A lot of people ask me stupid fuckin' questions
[00:09.14] A lot of people think that what I say on a record
[00:12.89] Or what I talk about on a record
[00:15.14] That I actually do in real life or that I believe in it
[00:20.28] Or if I say that I wanna kill somebody
[00:24.03] That I'm actually gonna do it or that I believe in it
[00:28.78] Well, shit, if you believe that, then I'll kill you
[00:35.53] You know why? 'Cause I'm a criminal!
[00:42.78] Criminal! You're goddamn right
[00:47.28] I'm a criminal! Yeah, I'm a criminal!
[00:56.78] My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge
[00:58.78] That'll stab you in the head, whether you're a fag or lez
[01:01.28] Or a homosex, hermaph or a trans-a-vest
[01:04.28] Pants or dress, hate fags? The answer's yes
[01:06.28] Homophobic? Nah, you're just heterophobic
[01:09.03] Starin' at my jeans, watchin' my genitals bulgin' (Ooh!)
[01:11.03] That's my motherfuckin' balls, you'd better let go of 'em
[01:13.28] They belong in my scrotum, you'll never get hold of 'em!
[01:15.78] "Hey, it's me, Versace! Whoops, somebody shot me!
[01:18.28] And I was just checkin' the mail, get it? Checkin' the male?"
[01:20.78] How many records you expectin' to sell
[01:22.78] After your second LP sends you directly to jail?
[01:25.03] Come on, relax, guy! I like gay men
[01:27.53] Right, Ken? Give me an amen! (A-men!)
[01:30.28] "Please Lord, this boy needs Jesus
[01:32.28] Heal this child, help us destroy these demons
[01:34.53] Oh, and please send me a brand new car
[01:36.78] And a prostitute while my wife's sick in the hospital"
[01:39.28] Preacher, preacher! Fifth grade teacher!
[01:41.53] You can't reach me, my mom can't neither
[01:44.03] You can't teach me a goddamn thing 'cause
[01:46.53] I watch TV and Comcast cable
[01:48.78] And you ain't able to stop these thoughts
[01:51.03] You can't stop me from toppin' these charts
[01:53.28] And you can't stop me from droppin' each March
[01:55.53] With a brand new CD for these fuckin' retards (Duh)
[01:58.03] And to think, it's just little ol' me
[02:00.28] Mr. Don't-Give-a-Fuck still won't leave
[02:02.53] I'm a criminal!
[02:03.78] 'Cause every time I write a rhyme these people think it's a crime
[02:06.03] To tell 'em what's on my mind, I guess I'm a criminal!
[02:08.28] I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird
[02:10.03] And keep goin', I don't take shit from no one
[02:11.78] I'm a criminal!
[02:12.53] 'Cause every time I write a rhyme these people think it's a crime
[02:15.03] To tell 'em what's on my mind, I guess I'm a criminal!
[02:17.28] I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird
[02:19.53] And keep goin', I don't take shit from no one
[02:21.28] The mother did drugs, hard liquor, cigarettes and speed
[02:23.78] The baby came out, disfigured ligaments, indeed
[02:26.28] It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she
[02:28.53] Don't dare make fun of that baby, 'cause that baby was me
[02:30.78] I'm a criminal, an animal caged who turned crazed
[02:33.28] But how the fuck you supposed to grow up when you weren't raised?
[02:35.78] So as I got older and I got a lot taller
[02:37.78] My dick shrunk smaller, but my balls got larger
[02:40.28] I drank more liquor to fuck you up quicker
[02:42.53] Than you'd wanna fuck me up for sayin' the word—
[02:44.78] My morals went *thhbbpp* when the president got oral
[02:47.28] Sex in his Oval Office on top of his desk off of his own employee
[02:50.53] Now, don't ignore me, you won't avoid me
[02:52.03] You can't miss me: I'm white, blonde-haired, and my nose is pointy
[02:54.78] I'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that die
[02:56.78] In plane crashes and laughs as long as it ain't happenin' to him
[02:59.78] Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as Em-
[03:01.28] -inem and Kim combined (The maniac's in)
[03:03.78] In place of the Doctor 'cause Dre couldn't make it today
[03:06.03] He's a little under the weather, so I'm takin' his place (Mm-mm-mmm!)
[03:08.78] Oh, that's Dre with an AK to his face
[03:10.78] Don't make me kill him too and spray his brains all over the place
[03:13.28] I told you, Dre, you should've kept that thang put away
[03:15.53] I guess that'll teach you not to let me play with it, eh?
[03:18.03] I'm a criminal!
[03:22.03] DRIVER: Aight look
[03:23.28] EMINEM: Uh-huh
[03:23.53] DRIVER: Just go up in that motherfucker, get the motherfuckin' money and get the fuck up outta there
[03:27.03] EMINEM: Aight
[03:27.53] DRIVER: I'll be right here waitin' on you
[03:28.53] EMINEM: Aight
[03:29.28] DRIVER: Yo, Em
[03:30.03] EMINEM: What?!
[03:30.78] DRIVER: Don't kill nobody this time
[03:32.28] EMINEM: Awwright… goddamn, this motherfucker gets on my fuckin' nerves!
[03:37.53] {*Whistling*} How you doin'?
[03:41.28] TELLER: Hi, how can I help you?
[03:42.03] EMINEM: Yeah, I need to make a withdrawal
[03:43.53] TELLER: Okay
[03:44.03] EMINEM: Put the fuckin' money in the bag, bitch, and I won't kill you!
[03:47.03] TELLER: What? Oh my God, don't kill me!
[03:48.78] EMINEM: I'm not gonna kill you, bitch, quit lookin' around
[03:50.28] TELLER: Don't kill me, I've got two kids at home don't kill me!
[03:52.03] EMINEM: I said I'm not gonna fuckin' kill you
[03:53.03] TELLER: Don't kill me!
[03:54.03] EMINEM: Hurry the fuck up! {*Gunshot*} Thank you!
[03:55.78] Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it (Go, go, go!)
[03:58.53] So when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it
[04:00.28] So I'll be disguised in it and if anybody identifies
[04:03.03] The guy in it, I hide for five minutes
[04:05.03] Come back, shoot the eyewitness
[04:06.78] Fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business
[04:10.28] Die bitches, bastards, brats, pets
[04:12.03] This puppy's lucky I didn't blast his ass yet
[04:14.53] If I ever gave a fuck, I'd shave my nuts
[04:16.78] Tuck my dick in between my legs and cluck
[04:19.03] You motherfuckin' chickens ain't brave enough
[04:21.28] To say the stuff I say, so just tape it shut
[04:23.78] Shit, half the shit I say, I just make it up
[04:25.78] To make you mad, so kiss my white naked ass
[04:28.78] And if it's not a rapper that I make it as
[04:30.78] I'ma be a fuckin' rapist in a Jason mask
[04:33.03] I'm a criminal!
[04:33.78] 'Cause every time I write a rhyme these people think it's a crime
[04:36.03] To tell 'em what's on my mind, I guess I'm a criminal!
[04:38.53] I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird
[04:40.53] And keep goin', I don't take shit from no one
[04:42.53] I'm a criminal!
[04:43.17] 'Cause every time I write a rhyme these people think it's a crime
[04:45.42] To tell 'em what's on my mind, I guess I'm a criminal!
[04:47.67] I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird
[04:49.92] And keep goin', I don't take shit from no one
[04:51.67] I'm a criminal!
[04:52.67] 'Cause every time I write a rhyme these people think it's a crime
[04:54.67] To tell 'em what's on my mind, I guess I'm a criminal!
[04:57.31] I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird
[04:59.31] And keep goin', I don't take shit from no one
[05:01.31] I'm a criminal!
[05:01.70] 'Cause every time I write a rhyme these people think it's a crime
[05:04.20] To tell 'em what's on my mind, I guess I'm a criminal!
[05:06.56] I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird
[05:08.81] And keep goin', I don't take shit from no one
[05:10.81] (I am) I'm a criminal!
